i think im gettin to the root cause of our troubles. enikku aa pedi undu.. atavalkku manasilakunnumilla..undenkil thanne enthu cheyyanamennariyilla. enikku pedia entinennu chodichal official aayittu njanavalde aarumalla.. sarathin aayirunna polo, amith aayirikkunna polo... njangade idiayil njan valiya sambhavamarikkum, but veliyil aarumalla... athu veliyil arinjal aarum manasilakkanamennumilla.. satyama.
i'll elaborate.
enthu kondo eppozhum enikku sarath ennal oru matiri competition aanu. competition alla, threat aanu. aval pinnem pinnem parayunnu alla ennu.. idakkokke njanum viswasikkum, but aval nadannathonnum nadannittilla enna mattil pinnem avanodoppam nilkkumbo entho oru bhayam ullil. avanullappo enikkavale nokkan pattilla.. athu nerathe paranjittullata.. aval avan care cheyyan varumbo nikkukem cheyyum.. ende manassilellam appo she nanu ingottu vaa enna.. but aval [atariyate, avalde vicharam ithonnum kaaryamallenna] varatirikkumbo manassu pidayum.. basically, yes enikku aval eppozhum entinum varunn aalaakanam ennundu... avalenikkum.  njan sarathil ninnum vyatyastanannu... avan aggresiive aayituu avale possess cheyyumarunnu... njan passive aayittagrahickum. njan passive aanu. athe ullu njangal thammil vyatyasam... god, orikkalum njanavane polakaruthe.
ah, entho, ullil oru feeling aval onnum vendatra kaaryamakkrille ennu. appo thanne maru chodyam... ellamangane kaaryamkkiyal enthuva rasam/?serious aayi serious aayi.... jeevitam adichu polikkanullatalle? enikkathu pattanamenkil officially enikkurappakanam avalde manassil ente stanam entanennu... pinne sarathinum.. at least, kurach. entho avanariyunnu ennu aalochickkumbo enikku aa oru authority varunnu.. atavalkku manasilakunno entho..
ella casilum njananu insider.. ellamariyunna, rahasyangal purathu parayan pattatha aal. appo worst casil enikku maatrame ariyoo entokke parallel universe nadakkarunnennu... ippo aval amithine kettiyal njanum avalume ariyoo njangalkku ingane oru future undakarunnennu... amith ariyilla, ayalkku vishamavumakilla.. athinartham ayal vishamikkanamennalla... ippo entho enikku oru major disadvantage ulla pole.. appo choydam, njan avalde best friendalle/ itrem supportivum understandingum aayondalle njangal aduthathu thanne? njan arinju nikkande? maruchodyam... atra intimate aakanamenkila thilentho ille/? enikkathinulla rhata ille? uttaramillatha kure chodyangal... avald ekoottu uttaram parayathe ozhinju maaran pattiyirunnenkil ennagrahickkunna etrayo naalukal.. pakshe pattilla, enikkuttarangal kittiye pattu, knappu. uttaram tarandatavalum.
oru kaaryam maatram clear. avale nashtapedaruthu. enthu kondo, enganeyo mansssil keri koodi poyi. ende nannu.