if u are, stop visiting my blog. njan 'ivide' postunnathu nirthi. 

i seriously do not know what is going thru her mind. probably furstration tht i do not understand her, or some sort of resentment at her parents, or a feeling on unwantedness in the family, a feeling tht she maybe causing me trouble,loneliness, and what-not. thts probably coz she's an idiot.shit happens, get over it. icant believe im saying this. dunno, maybe tis the effect from watching all that house. if im house, i want her to be cuddy, not cameron. i want her to stand up for herself. iw ant her to do what she wants without being afraid. if she likes me, i want her to say that she likes me, and i want her to ask for a relationship. i want her to decide what she wants with sarath, considering evrything. i want her to stand up to he rparents, let them know she loves them and respects them, but its time tht they treated her like what she is: a 21 year old girl, an adult, who's allowed to make decisions on her own, and is independent, and he rparents need to step back into supporting roles. i need her to fucking grow up. i want her to be there in my life. i want to fucking grow up. i want to be strong. i want to be awesome. i want her to be with me when im awesome. i want her to be awesome.

she's an idiot. aval raavile mutal fbyil irikkuvarunnennu. but msg idan vayya. what does tht mean? she doesnt want me around. reason entumakatte. what she doesnt know, is tht i'd been up at 8.30, and was online till 10. ennittu ammumma ambalathil kondupoyi. obviously, ambalahtil ninnu online aakan pattillallo. huge communication gap between us. and she's a coward who doesnt knwo what she wants. chumma pareva valya ishtamanennokke. atra ishtamarunnel she'd fight for me. enikkavald efeelings manasilakunnilla ennu parennu. well, MAKE me, then. njan open aanennu avalkkariyam. ennittum onnum parayate, kaanate, oru communicationum illate hw the fuck does she expect me to understand whts goin on in her mind? she still thinks she;s doing sarath a favour by being in his life. wrong. u shudn be this close unless ur in a relationship. ata oolakku ithu vare mansilayittila. esp if the boy in question is a moron.[im talking abt sarath, u idiot]. now i've made it clear tht i want to be in a relationship. she cant even figure out if she wants to. crying about the situations do not get us anywhere. acting upon it does. since its still unclear to me if she has fixated on amith, enikkum onnum urappikkan pattunnilla.i DO want to spend my life with her. and im not a moron.i dont want to give up, but i need to knwo tht she doesnt either. coz a relationship tht's one sided wont last long. writing about it in blogs is a gud way to get it off the chest, but its nto as good as properly tellin the person.

van

van comedy. randalkkar. angottumingottum bhayankara ishtam. so much that they both think they're nto going to take an initiative, and think that the other one is better off without them. ithoru cinemayakkiyarunnel bhayankara entertainign aarunnene. oh there's more. both of them are idiots. and cowards. they both post it in blogs so that the other person can read it. so technically both of them know what the other person is thinking, and still dont act upon it. its now a competition of who's the bigger idiot by not doing anything.

ippo thonnunnu i'd made the right call by not mailing her. as expecdted, avalkk ithu mundopttu konduponamenn valiya aagrhamilla. she's just hidign behind ridiculous excuses. dance pediyanennu. ennelum manasilakum mandatarama parayunne ennu. ennelum manasilakum kaanichukoottunna silly things. njan ee kaanikkunnathum athu thanne. enthu vannalum blog. enikk avalde koode jeevikkuvanel antassayittu stylil confident aayittu venam. avalum anganakanamenne aagrahamullu. njan ende kaaryam sheriyakkan tudanguva. aval cheytal nallatarunnu.. ithu vare valya prateekshakku vaakyonnumilla.. sheriyakuvarikkum. ah kathirunnu kanam.

i unerstand. u feel violated, and cheated. nidne feelings oru vilayumillate veroiralude munil ittallo ennu. thts not how it happened. just casual talk aarunnu. that seemed to be the safest option i cud tell him. so i told him.ninde kashtakalathil chirikkanonnumalla.. i told him just as regular friends do.. like in the veins of naaniye tariqine vahcu pokkunnatho, enne vanamadichappo pidichatho, sahcine thundu kandappopokkiyatho pole... its a part of growing up. athonnum aaru atra kaaryamakkilla. allathe ninne vishamippikkanam, nidne secrets ellarudem munnil kottighoshikkanam ennonnumillarunnu. aa kaaryam just light aaye avatarippichullu.. pinne orthorthu chirikkan pattiya college anubhavangal pole. allathe athidne true seriosuness endem nidnem idayil bhadram.
ithu mail cheyyathe blog cheyyunnathu nee ippo kaananda nnu vachu thanna. as usual, enikk justify cheyyathe vayya. but nidne sidinnu ee relation save cheyyan oru ithum kandilla.. it was as if u dnt care to even resolve a fight. as usual. i dont know. somehow, i feel our relation is going to hell. and avan. i hate that son of a bitch now. etra issues undelum i had a hope inside me tht nxt year njangal patch up aakumarikkumennu. he obviosuly din think so. he removed me, and then avan ninnodu sollan poyekkunnu. njan mandan.he doesnt want me, fine, i dont want him in my life.ithokke ariyam ennittum nee ippozhum avanodu valiya friendly aanennum enthokkeyanelum avanumayi tudarumennu tarappichu parayukem ellam kude cheytappo i dunno, io guess i feel unwanted. or made a fool. i dunno. entho. athonda mail diathe. i dun want to be the guy who walks after someone and begs for a relationship, if the other person doesnt want it..ninakk vendayenkil fine. enikkum venda. ene kaiyinnu ini oru initiation prateekshikkanda.